Gross
I am now seven weeks pregnant. I feel really good. I haven’t gained the 47 pounds I expected to (yet). I don’t yak up my food (yet). The only ailments I seem to be afflicted with are fatigue, placenta brain (which I’ve mentioned before) and heinous bitch syndrome (HBS). I don’t think I have allowed most of you to witness a full-blown HBS attack. It’s not pretty. Usually I save these up for my middle school students or Brandon.
Poor Brandon. He’s at the store right now buying me club soda because I need to drink it now or else I will perish. Now on the surface of this tale, it might not appear to be a very cruel request. But it is. Because Brandon has been fasting all day for some doctor’s appointment he has tomorrow. So he’s starving and now he’s in a large cube shaped building filled with every type of everything that he cannot have. Read: HBS.
Anyway, the real reason for this post is to discuss how gross and unnecessary all these seven-week “baby” picutres are. Sick. I get them on all my automated baby site updates and I frankly don’t appreciate them.
For instance. . . take a look at this first picture:
First of all, why does the spine look like an earthworm? Couldn’t the artist at least attempt to make it look human-like? Secondly, what’s up with all the labling? I’m not an expert on the deveoping fetus, but I can pretty much tell that the icky little dot is the eye ball.
Now for our second picture:
Wasn’t it so nice of them to color the inside of my uterus purple? I mean, it just makes the whole space seem more welcoming. It also accentuates the fact that my baby looks like the ELEPHANT MAN. And that bubble thing? What is that? The placenta, the umbilical cord? Maybe I do need some lables. Because what it really looks like is a speech bubble that’s telling me my baby’s “leg bud” is trying to say something.
So I get that I’m just being oversensitive due to all my whacked-out hormones, but would you like to meet a six-foot version of my baby in a dark alley? I think not.
7 weeks
OMG! I’m laughing so hard I cannot even comment! That is the funniest shit I have ever read!
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoI just wheeze-laughed myself into a mini coughing fit. And no, I would not like to meet a six-foot version of your earthworm baby with its leg nugget speech bubble.
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agowell done. i charge extra for elephant-man-sitting. be forewarned.
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoLeg bud? Leg bud. Hmmm…nope, sorry, no getting around it: that’s just WEIRD.
You are too funny, Britta.
Hey, if you ever want to take a gander at the the real thing, OMSI still has that prenatal exhibit. Drop me a line ahead of time, if I’m working I can get you in for free!
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agothis ride with you is going to be long and funny, I’m buckling up!
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agodewd. i feel ya. next it progresses to the less frightening though no more human “Gummy Bear” stage. at least you know you have that to look forward too.
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoROFLMAO!!!! Buckle up, Brandon!!! It’s going to be a LOOOONG ride!!!!! But hey, Britta, wouldn’t you want to have HBS rather than morning sickness and unnecessary weight gain? LOL!! Actually, I think your getting slimmer!! You look great!
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoMaynard. That last sentence has solidified your place in my heart of love for people that tell me I’m skinny. Mmmm…
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoPS – this is a better book even than 4 interesting things. You are very much the funny.
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoYes. I am almost exactly the same. Except all I want is Taco Time soft bean burritos. You must not be peeing 17 times a night if you don’t have many complaints yet. I like the BabyCenter emails a lot better. They are much more human like with their diagrams.
Where are those from by the way?!?!
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoMaybe the bubble thing is the beginnings of a penis….?….
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoYou know, Brandee, as much as I would be proud to have a little boy with such a substantial -ahem- endowment, I’m not sure a bubble-shaped version would be one I would want him to have. Secondly, I doubt there are very many girls out there who wouldn’t run away (screaming, most likely) from a man with a spherical phallus, no matter the size. No offense, but I really hope you’re wrong about the bubble thing.
| Posted 2 years, 10 months agoO totally agree with Jeffie. The babycenter ones are better, plus I think they show you how big your belly is in comparison to your head, which is such a bonus feature. In your blogs could you include what food item your baby is most similar to in size?
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoThanks.
I’ve missed this how big your belly is compared to your head. Are you being serious or trying to fool a retarded pregnant woman? I feel like my stomach was probably bigger than my head before this whole thing started.
I DO NOT like that they compare the baby with food. Like right now my baby is the size of a medium shrimp. That’s gross. I have no plans to eat my baby.
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoHi Britta,
| Posted 2 years, 11 months agoMarcia called me the other night and told me your fabulous news. I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU AND BRANDON. You know how I feel about babies — they’re the best thing that can happen to people, period. You are going to have so much fun. You will never know the kind of love that a baby can give you or that you can give your baby. It’s absolutely unimagineable and wonderful.
I had fun reading your blog from the beginning and it’s great. What a super way to remember everything that’s happening. I’m going to love checking up on you throughout these next months.
Much love to you and Brandon and the baby. I’ve already told Sheri and Kristi. Now to send them to your blog.
Bonnie
ok I know I don’t have a leg-bud to stand on when I say this (what with my non-blogging) but I need more baby news from you STAT!!! You are so much the funny and I heart you and want to know what is going on with that tummy alien!!
kbye
| Posted 2 years, 10 months ago